Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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