I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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