drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I didn't notice because vodka
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
