I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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