so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
