so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
