i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
