You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think my mom watched the whole time
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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