you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
