K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
