Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
