So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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