She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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