Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
