am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
