its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
