Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My cat gives me a boner
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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