3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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