After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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