I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
