I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
