Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
MIDGETS
????
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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