Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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