She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
