seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize