i just wanna soil my oats bro
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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