Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
