it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
