What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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