If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
