I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
