i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
