If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh god it's open bar.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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