she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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