you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize