I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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