woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
