i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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