Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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