I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
