Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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