great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
