I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
