Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
