and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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