3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
