It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
