this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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