I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can you bring me the toilet please
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
