i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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