you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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