I'm so fucking centered right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
