I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
