I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
