The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
