She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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