Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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