it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
