Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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