I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
