where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
