Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
