It was confusing and full of hummus
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
