I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
