I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize