you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
