Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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