UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
