Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
