Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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