You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
