I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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