I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
