If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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